Lesson Two: Our First Words
A basic part of my autism problem is that you have to take the lead in everything we do together. Please sit down, somewhere where I can sit on your left, because I am right-handed, and ask me to sit down with you. Note that here I am, typing this website, telling you to tell me to sit down. That’s what passes for me being in charge of something.
Are we sitting next to each other? Hooray, we did it! (it helps to acknowledge each achievement as the victory it is).
Now we have to spell something. Hold up a letterboard or keyboard and pick a word we both know, or teach me one. In principle, it can be any word, just as long as we both know how to spell it, but it will go better if it’s a word you like and one we can be proud of spelling together. It will also be better if you teach me something that’s meaningful to you. It can be any word that uses the letters on the keyboard. If you know a foreign language and want to teach me a word in it, that’s great too. If not, how about a place you love or a character in a book? Make it good, not easy. If we have to type more letters, that will just give us more to be proud of.
Once you’ve chosen your word, then tell me what it is, and if it’s unusual, how to spell it. Then tell me to point to or type the first letter. You can help me as much as necessary, by saying the letters aloud and helping me guide my finger, saying “up more” or “three more to the left.” We both know the word, so helping me won’t interfere with my free expression. You can even move the board a little to place the right letter near my hand, as in the first part of the video below. Soon enough you will stop helping me so explicitly, but now we are doing our first word together. If we are using a keyboard, and I hit the wrong key, tell me to delete it and help me get to the right letter.
Here’s a video with the word “Monday” as the target:
Did we finish our word? Congratulations are in order! Let’s do five more.
Commentary
This may be surprisingly hard as we get used to each other. Please keep going. I need your steady determination and focus on the task. What a strange thing we are doing: you must trust that I know what the word is, and that I’ve typed a million letters before, just as I trust that you know the word and this is not the first time you spell something. So why is it hard? Why does it take so long? It’s because we must get used to each other, and each other’s rhythms, like having a new dance partner. It’s like docking to a space shuttle or refueling a plane in mid-air –except that if we screw it up no one gets hurt. Remember that for some mysterious reason I can’t lead, so all my spelling experience is not readily available to us. That means that we have to put you in the uncomfortable position of leading even though you are the one who is learning. (I can spell right away with people who are new to me but are experienced Communication Partners).
Turning the Tables
You must be impatient to hear from me, after all that’s why you’re doing this. We can try, though it may be too soon. You can ask me to pick the next word, though I can’t say it aloud. You will have to be strong and firm and yet open. Hold the board up. Remind me that I have to pick the first letter because you don’t know what the word is. When I pick a letter call it out. Ask me if it’s right and if necessary urge me to try again. Is it T? Then we have a lot of possibilities for the next letter. Is it Q? Then probably the next letter is U. If the next letter is impossible, like KX, then we have to go back and try again. Never persist when you know we’ve gone wrong. As soon as you think you’ve guessed the word, then say so. Ask me if it’s right, and if I choose Y then help me spell YES and then help me spell the word you guessed. If I pick N then help me spell NO and get us to go back and try to get another letter.
If we’re not getting anywhere, we need more practice with the first exercise, so let’s spell FRUSTRATING together and then BUT and then REWARDING. We may want to stop for the day or at least take a break before going to the next lesson.